I want you all to know that 1) This took way too long and I'm still not satisfied with it, 2)It was on my mind all weekend, so much so that I started writing down songs I heard when I was like "oh! i forgot about that song, it should be on the list!" and 3) I think it's really funny that blogs have homework. So here you go, version number one:
Tunes:
1. Song that sounds like happy feels:
"American Girl" Tom Petty
"Stir it Up" Bob Marley
"Women of the World" Jim O'Rourke
2. Earliest memory:
"Zip A Dee Do Dah" From Song of the South
3. Last CD you bought:
I download individual songs more often than I buy CDs...iTunes is my friend. ;-)
4. Reminds you of school:
Elementary School
"Like A Virgin" Madonna (I remember dancing to it on my friend's furniture. SO NAIVE.)
"De Doo Doo Doo De Da Da Da" The Police
Anything by the Monkees, Poison, Guns N'Roses, Def Leppard and Queen. I was a goofy child.
High School
"Rhiannon" Fleetwood Mac
"The Safety Dance" Men Without Hats
"Swass" Sir Mix-A-Lot
College
Any Grateful Dead
"Blister In The Sun" Violent Femmes
"Birdhouse In Your Soul" They Might Be Giants
"War Pigs" Black Sabbath
5. Total music files on your PC:
We change computers so often I never have many on them...just carry around a big case of CDs with me. ;-)
6. For listening to repeatedly when depressed:
The entire Radiohead album "The Bends"
7. Sounds british, but isn't:
I have to agree with whichever one of you said Green Day. Other than that, I don't know...
8. Tune you love, band you hate:
Oh man, #s 8 and 9 are completely stumping me.....I'm going to come back to this one later, sorry guys!
9. A favourite from the past that took ages to track down:
Again, so difficult...I own or can find easily just about any song I can think of. It's called "the internet".
10. Bought the album for one good song:
Lisa Germano "Happiness" for the Dresses Song. I just find the rest of it pretty uninteresting.
jku's addition to this quiz is:
11. Worst Song to Get Stuck in your Head:
Any song by Celine Dion.
"Money" Pink Floyd. (I like it, but not over and over and over and over....)
ooh, I almost forgot: three people who need to do this:
Shellbug, Leslie, Grace (who can substitute extra high school songs for the college songs...but I'm sure you'll think of enough to list!)
1.27.2005
It's Always 4:20 In The Bathroom Of Clear Thought
I have two posts in draft. I don't know why. I can't seem to finish things this week, and I keep getting interrupted.
I lived in an apartment. It was the hub of activity. It had many goods and many bads. It's one of those places that I know I could never go back to (the way of life, at least), but I enjoy going back in thought and my inner child laughs her head off every time! We had a psycho cat that attacked you. We had our own holiday. We had a porch.
I'm totally regressing right now, and I can't explain that, either.
We had a friend who broke stuff. He was funny. He spent a really long time in our bathroom one day. He declared it the 'bathroom of clear thought'. I suppose it really was the only place to escape the madness. We made a beautiful little sign that hung in there.
"It's Always 4:20 In The Bathroom Of Clear Thought"
I think I still have that sign somewhere. I can't throw things like that away. I also have the same coffee table, which is a whole other story. Sort of an antiqued/barnacles under the sea kind of look. Had a little incident with the sponge painting.
Considering how much I've moved in my life, I get really attached to my apartments sometimes. But I also really love the new ones.
We all move on from things, from times, from people, from places like this, and that's good.
But they don't move on from us, and that's good, too.
I lived in an apartment. It was the hub of activity. It had many goods and many bads. It's one of those places that I know I could never go back to (the way of life, at least), but I enjoy going back in thought and my inner child laughs her head off every time! We had a psycho cat that attacked you. We had our own holiday. We had a porch.
I'm totally regressing right now, and I can't explain that, either.
We had a friend who broke stuff. He was funny. He spent a really long time in our bathroom one day. He declared it the 'bathroom of clear thought'. I suppose it really was the only place to escape the madness. We made a beautiful little sign that hung in there.
"It's Always 4:20 In The Bathroom Of Clear Thought"
I think I still have that sign somewhere. I can't throw things like that away. I also have the same coffee table, which is a whole other story. Sort of an antiqued/barnacles under the sea kind of look. Had a little incident with the sponge painting.
Considering how much I've moved in my life, I get really attached to my apartments sometimes. But I also really love the new ones.
We all move on from things, from times, from people, from places like this, and that's good.
But they don't move on from us, and that's good, too.
1.25.2005
Sending Children To The Nurse's Office For 25,000 Years
Scientists believe they have determined that you're only as ancient as your parasites.
Apparently, lice form new species every time their host does, which makes them "excellent markers for tracing human evolutionary history." Proving that your boyfriend a couple caves over (you know, the one with that scary brow ridge) was giving you cooties long before it was ostracizing you from the lunch table.
And you thought dogs were man's best friend.
Apparently, lice form new species every time their host does, which makes them "excellent markers for tracing human evolutionary history." Proving that your boyfriend a couple caves over (you know, the one with that scary brow ridge) was giving you cooties long before it was ostracizing you from the lunch table.
And you thought dogs were man's best friend.
1.24.2005
Auschwitz
Let's make the load heavier for a moment, shall we?
My father retired this past year, after being a history professor for at least 35 years. There were two main classes that he taught: Western Civilization, which was just a basic, introductory class that most freshmen end up taking, and History 143: The Holocaust.
No one in my family is Jewish. I've never asked, and never been told, but I do not believe that anyone in my father's family was involved in the Holocaust in any way...as a victim or a murderer. Whatever gave him his lifelong interest in studying and teaching the events surrounding the Holocaust, I do not know, but over the years his knowledge and experience in the subject has rubbed off on me.
In two days, the world will mark the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, the primary Nazi death camp. If you know any of the places associated with the Holocaust, you at least know this one, but there were dozens more. The number of people alive today who found ways to survive the experience of the death camps is dwindling. It's one of those pivotal moments in history, like the end of the Civil War or WWI, where we've just about lost our chance to record any more first-hand stories. It would be ignorant of us to think that the tragedies of the Holocaust could not happen again. It would be ignorant to think that they're not happening already.
It's nearly impossible to ask people to take time out of their everyday routine to stop and learn something new. I ask you to go here to browse, but more specifically, to read and listen to this. I have heard her story spoken outloud, and it never ceases to shorten my breath. I've been to the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. a few times, and it is absolutely impossible to walk out of there without tears and an overwhelming sadness. And once you experience that feeling, it is also nearly impossible to imagine it happening again. And yet it does.
I don't pretend to be an overly political person. You won't pull me in to a debate for very long, and my passionate causes rarely involve relieving the plight of human suffering. But we must pick and choose our causes; it is impossible for one person to put energy into fighting every injustice. So at least for this moment, I can give you some links, and tell you this story, and hope that you'll take a few moments to read, and to learn something new.
First They Came for the Jews
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.
~Pastor Martin Niemöller
My father retired this past year, after being a history professor for at least 35 years. There were two main classes that he taught: Western Civilization, which was just a basic, introductory class that most freshmen end up taking, and History 143: The Holocaust.
No one in my family is Jewish. I've never asked, and never been told, but I do not believe that anyone in my father's family was involved in the Holocaust in any way...as a victim or a murderer. Whatever gave him his lifelong interest in studying and teaching the events surrounding the Holocaust, I do not know, but over the years his knowledge and experience in the subject has rubbed off on me.
In two days, the world will mark the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, the primary Nazi death camp. If you know any of the places associated with the Holocaust, you at least know this one, but there were dozens more. The number of people alive today who found ways to survive the experience of the death camps is dwindling. It's one of those pivotal moments in history, like the end of the Civil War or WWI, where we've just about lost our chance to record any more first-hand stories. It would be ignorant of us to think that the tragedies of the Holocaust could not happen again. It would be ignorant to think that they're not happening already.
It's nearly impossible to ask people to take time out of their everyday routine to stop and learn something new. I ask you to go here to browse, but more specifically, to read and listen to this. I have heard her story spoken outloud, and it never ceases to shorten my breath. I've been to the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. a few times, and it is absolutely impossible to walk out of there without tears and an overwhelming sadness. And once you experience that feeling, it is also nearly impossible to imagine it happening again. And yet it does.
I don't pretend to be an overly political person. You won't pull me in to a debate for very long, and my passionate causes rarely involve relieving the plight of human suffering. But we must pick and choose our causes; it is impossible for one person to put energy into fighting every injustice. So at least for this moment, I can give you some links, and tell you this story, and hope that you'll take a few moments to read, and to learn something new.
First They Came for the Jews
First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.
~Pastor Martin Niemöller
Dude, where's my beer?
From the Daily Collegian, our student newspaper (or so they think):
Burglary: Ten bottles of alcohol, three 12-packs of beer and several electronic items were stolen from a State College residence sometime last week, State College Police said. The crime was reported to police at about 6 p.m. Thursday. An estimated value for the electronics was not available.
______________
No, of course not!! But I'm sure they could tell you how much they spent on the alcohol. Ah, the hilarities of living in a college town!
Burglary: Ten bottles of alcohol, three 12-packs of beer and several electronic items were stolen from a State College residence sometime last week, State College Police said. The crime was reported to police at about 6 p.m. Thursday. An estimated value for the electronics was not available.
______________
No, of course not!! But I'm sure they could tell you how much they spent on the alcohol. Ah, the hilarities of living in a college town!
1.22.2005
Barbecue, the old fashioned way.
Not to bore you with another East Coast blog post about the snow, but....
Nothing kicks the daily functions of life in the balls like a good, debilitating blizzard. :)
As long as you've got a market and a bar within walking distance, though,
life is good.
And a grill. Want some ribs? :)
Nothing kicks the daily functions of life in the balls like a good, debilitating blizzard. :)
As long as you've got a market and a bar within walking distance, though,
life is good.
And a grill. Want some ribs? :)
1.20.2005
Powder Fresh
It's 3:00 p.m.
Usually, the way it works here is I leave work at 4:45, and somehow I don't find time to blog all weekend. I come back into work Monday morning, and hopefully have some inspiration (or aggravation) to blog on.
We're due to have a blizzard on Saturday. (You want to see it for yourself? Watch the football games!) I have been waiting for a huge snowstorm, so I hope they aren't lying. I'm hoping, really, that this just might force me to sit at the computer for a little while, 'cuz I feel like everybody's got a lot going on and it'll be good to keep up.
But really, I just want to do our "blizzard ritual", which I've been craving, yet the time has not been right...
I want to walk to the bar and back in a foot of snow for a nice, warm whisky.
Happy blizzardry, everyone!
Usually, the way it works here is I leave work at 4:45, and somehow I don't find time to blog all weekend. I come back into work Monday morning, and hopefully have some inspiration (or aggravation) to blog on.
We're due to have a blizzard on Saturday. (You want to see it for yourself? Watch the football games!) I have been waiting for a huge snowstorm, so I hope they aren't lying. I'm hoping, really, that this just might force me to sit at the computer for a little while, 'cuz I feel like everybody's got a lot going on and it'll be good to keep up.
But really, I just want to do our "blizzard ritual", which I've been craving, yet the time has not been right...
I want to walk to the bar and back in a foot of snow for a nice, warm whisky.
Happy blizzardry, everyone!
1.19.2005
Rear View Mirror
Sometimes I am just fucking insane.
I have begun to do what I said I would. I brought two of my old journals with me today and have been reading them.
Do you ever really change? Does your life just continue to go in circles? Do the choices you make lead you back to the situations you are comfortable in, even if they are bad for you? Do you just draw parallels between yesterday and today, and are they actually more different?
Some of the quotes that have left shortened my breath for a moment:
"...to be there as I can be, and hope I don't hurt him by loving him, like I guess I've done to others before."
"Ugh. I love him. Fucking bad one."
"Things are getting weirder again. Yay. :)" (Literally drew a smiley face there, meaning in all seriousness that I LOVED the weirdness/drama.)
"I feel like I'm not the one writing."
"Too many people, too little time; too many friends, too few friendships."
I can't take this, I'm honestly freaking myself out. So much so, in fact, that I have done this.
Everybody wants to know what will happen. I think I'm changing my mind. I don't. I use this phrase constantly..."If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be _____, I would have thought you were crazy." And looking back on that five, ten years ago, looking back on it now with the clarity of time, I know that I don't want to know my future. Because it's not really the goal, the destination, the outcome that I find so exhilerating. It's the journey. Plain and simple.
I am putting some of these entries and random words out there for the world to read. And if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be making sections of my journal public to my friends and to the world, I would have thought you were crazy.
I have begun to do what I said I would. I brought two of my old journals with me today and have been reading them.
Do you ever really change? Does your life just continue to go in circles? Do the choices you make lead you back to the situations you are comfortable in, even if they are bad for you? Do you just draw parallels between yesterday and today, and are they actually more different?
Some of the quotes that have left shortened my breath for a moment:
"...to be there as I can be, and hope I don't hurt him by loving him, like I guess I've done to others before."
"Ugh. I love him. Fucking bad one."
"Things are getting weirder again. Yay. :)" (Literally drew a smiley face there, meaning in all seriousness that I LOVED the weirdness/drama.)
"I feel like I'm not the one writing."
"Too many people, too little time; too many friends, too few friendships."
I can't take this, I'm honestly freaking myself out. So much so, in fact, that I have done this.
Everybody wants to know what will happen. I think I'm changing my mind. I don't. I use this phrase constantly..."If you had told me 10 years ago that I would be _____, I would have thought you were crazy." And looking back on that five, ten years ago, looking back on it now with the clarity of time, I know that I don't want to know my future. Because it's not really the goal, the destination, the outcome that I find so exhilerating. It's the journey. Plain and simple.
I am putting some of these entries and random words out there for the world to read. And if you had told me 10 years ago that I would be making sections of my journal public to my friends and to the world, I would have thought you were crazy.
1.18.2005
Fried Eggs Aren't What's Bad For You
As if we didn't know this already.
This kind of stuff literally makes me nauseous. I rarely used the stuff, and then went ahead and got a whole set of nonstick pots and pans which have slowly peeled, and I've thrown them out as they have.
Again, Cast Iron, definitly the way to go.
This kind of stuff literally makes me nauseous. I rarely used the stuff, and then went ahead and got a whole set of nonstick pots and pans which have slowly peeled, and I've thrown them out as they have.
Again, Cast Iron, definitly the way to go.
You Can't Have Your Cake...
Remember that day, not so long ago,
when I longed for the sun and an end to the rain,
when the 63 degrees in January seemed like an unwelcomed early spring?
Yeah, IT'S SEVEN DEGREES NOW. FEELS LIKE -5.
*shaking fist at sunny sky*
You CA people got an extra room? ;-)
when I longed for the sun and an end to the rain,
when the 63 degrees in January seemed like an unwelcomed early spring?
Yeah, IT'S SEVEN DEGREES NOW. FEELS LIKE -5.
*shaking fist at sunny sky*
You CA people got an extra room? ;-)
1.17.2005
My 100 Things
How DID this idea to write 100 things come about in blog-land? I have no idea. I suppose it's more of a "personal" blog thing, though I'm sure there are people out there who could write 100 things about their political views, or give you 100 links, or any other number of things. In many ways I've been looking forward to doing it, but it's also a daunting task when you get started. Aw, what the hell, without further ado, Number One:
Deahsella Lynne is not my real name. I think I've fooled quite a few of you with this, but that was unintentional and I'm sorry. You know, there ARE still some psychos out there, though I've been fairly lucky here. ;-) Maybe if you ask nicely...
2. I am 28 years old.
3. I have been married for a little over one year.
4. I have been the proud owner of my pit bull mix, Chance, for six years. He's a pain in the ass but I love him. I am very angry at people who own them as some sort of "status symbol".
5. I have been putting off writing this list for a long time, and it will probably stay in "draft" stage for even longer. Begun on 1/13/05 at 12:30 p.m.
6. I love it if you tell me what you think of me.
7. My favorite cinema candy is Sno-Caps, and I can't remember when I ordered anything other than them. The box never lasts the whole movie, and sometimes not through the previews.
8. I haven't been to a movie in a theater since...Lord of the Rings II? But our DVD player gets LOTS of use.
9. Nicholas Cage is hot. He's the only actor I consistently think that about, although Zach Braff is giving him some competition.
10. I become attracted to and love people very easily, and I can read it in your eyes if you feel the same way. That is not necessarily permission for more, but just a part of my personality. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's difficult. But it's part of my sense of freedom.
11. I have moved 13 times in the past ten years, only once out of state and then only for a 2 month span of time (to Colorado). There have always been good reasons to move (ends of relationships, money, marriage) but consequently I never fully feel "moved in".
12. The longest I have lived in one place (other than where I grew up) has been about 2 years. That was about eight years ago.
13. The only foods I can think of that I don't like are anchovies and vienna sausages. Too much salt, and horrible consistency, respectively.
14. I hated olives until about two years ago when I forced myself to like them. I love them now. I think the hatred had something to do with my father's taste for "olive loaf", which completely raped my childhood bologna of all innocence.
15. I was just about to change that last sentence, but the imagery is astoundingly hilarious and grotesque, so you're welcome.
16. I can type, very fast, even the numbers, which is due to my paying attention in high school typing class because my mom could do it and I wanted to, too. I believed them when they said you'd need it later in life.
17. I thought my father's handwriting was really cool as a child (and it's MUCH neater than my mother's) and set out to emulate it. Now, it looks almost exactly the same. (Forging his signature was cake).
18. My first "boyfriend" became a priest.
19. I have lost touch with many close friends, and feel very sad about that. I feel that the loss is entirely my fault because of actions (or lack of action) on my part that pushed them away from me.
20. Most of these friends came to my wedding anyway, which made me feel better, but I haven't talked to many of them since then, which makes me feel worse.
21. I have been opening up to people more freely lately, and I think I can attribute that partially to this blog.
22. I love singing, though I can't read music, and have sang with various acapella groups where I live. I haven't done it in a few years, though, because it's not really my style. I want to learn guitar so I can accompany myself.
23. When I was young, I was a soprano. Then I started smoking in 12th grade or so, and the next time I tested my range I was an alto. I like that better, anyway.
24. The Radiohead album High and Dry was the soundtrack to a very depressed stage of my life, when I distinctly remember listening to it on repeat, while staring in the mirror at myself and crying for hours upon end. Looking back, I think that the depression was probably the effect of drug use, because I can't remember what else I would have been depressed about. This was more than ten years ago.
25. I have journals that I wrote in almost daily from about 1990 to 1998. I haven't read through them in a year or two. Mostly they deal with teenage angsty stuff, leading on through to more serious love or pain, with splatterings of poetry and insightful prose. Also drawings, fairly abstract stuff and weird faery creatures.
26. My journal writing stopped abruptly in 1998, when I met a boyfriend at the time and traveled to CO and back, smoking lots of pot. Very bad times, but learning times. Somehow his existence in my life suppressed all happiness, individuality and creativity for a very long time. I do not want to let anyone have that affect on me again.
27. While I was in Colorado I met a very colorful character who referred to himself only as Cloud, who we lived with. In exchange for us crashing at his home for a month, I cleaned alot. He was kind of a thug, but I always could tell he had a good side that he never revealed and I always wonder what happened to him. I hope he grew up. (This kind of memory of someone is common with me. There are many people who I've had short acquaintances with that I think about often. This goes along with my feeling of sadness when people "leave".)
28. I got my dog on the same trip, in Portland, OR. When we left Portland, it was three adults and three six-week-old puppies in a Toyota Corolla for two days of driving back to CO, and stopping every hour to let them pee. Enough said.
29. Although it would probably have the exact opposite effect on most people, that trip across the country solidified my love of driving.
30. Moving right along, then...
31. I am adopted. I've gone through this story already here, so I won't go in to too much detail again. Still looking.
32. I had a baby boy almost three years ago and we placed him for adoption. His birthfather and I got engaged about 10 months later, and we are married now. The adoption was the right decision for us.
33. Sometimes I really want kids, sometimes I don't. I'm very independent and sometimes fickle, and though I know having a child would change that, I'm not always sure if I want it changed.
34. I have contact with the family that adopted my birthson, and just received some more pictures from them around Christmas. He has curly, strawberry-blondish hair like me, which I'm sure he will hate me for later, unless he becomes a rock star, which is possible, because apparently he's also very in to music, especially drumming. Could have something to do with my constant singing along to the radio and going to see live bands whilst pregnant.
35. I am 5' 10" tall.
36. One of our favorite places during my first year of college was a place called locally "the electric rocks". You pulled off this dirt road and parked, walked down a long power line access road, till you came to this large outcropping of boulders. You could climb around on them and build a bonfire. We saw a porcupine and a bear there once.
37. Oh, you want to know why they were "electric"?
38. Due to the huge power lines that ran down through this area, you could sit on this one particular spot on this one particular rock, that was carved out naturally so that it fit your ass, and stick your legs and arms out into the air, and if someone else ran their fingers lightly across your forehead, you would get little shocks that felt really cool and weird. I think that was probably bad.
39. I am not fearful of getting older. I like the idea. I am, however, fearful of being unhealthy and not being able to enjoy my age.
40. I have never been on an airplane. Just never had the reason or opportunity.
41. I went to Catholic school from 7th grade through high school.
42. Three years or so after graduating high school, I met and became friends with a group of people who I would have been in school with, had I gone to the public school. My life would have turned out much differently if I'd known them all then, I think.
43. I don't talk to any one of the 63 people I graduated high school with. I did talk to one girl for a number of years, but lost touch with her about a year ago.
44. I need something more than what I have right now, but I don't know what that is yet. I don't feel "whole".
45. I am online while I am at work way too much to be okay. But I get my work done, so I'm not sure how wrong that is.
46. I am a flirt.
47. I grew up in an old, large house next to a cornfield, but had close neighbors also. My parents just informed me two days ago that they are moving in April, and I am sad about leaving that house behind.
48. I love history and old contraptions that were used before we had electrical gadgets to do the same tasks. Like my juicer.
49. I would enjoy working in a museum.
50. I lost my virginity at approximately 16, and the guy never talked to me after that day. That only bothered me for a little while, though. He was pretty much an asshole. Wish I'd figured that out beforehand.
51. Halfway there...
52. I ate a lot of vegetables as a child. I got a rash once from eating too many oranges, and turned yellowish from eating too many carrots. I don't really like candy, even now.
53. I am pretty much a morning person. I don't like waking up much later than 9:00, even on a weekend, and I like to get up and get a start to the tasks of the day so I can relax and have a good time in the evening. I've never been able to study much past 6 PM.
54. I have one class left to complete my degree in American Studies, with minors in History and Anthropology. I've put it off because of money. Soon, though. (These majors were only settled upon after gliding around in English, Art, Music, and Veterinary Medicine.)
55. I was raised Catholic, and went to the church my mother attended. My father is Methodist, but later in life I really liked his church better. (More young people and more friendly). I'm not religious though, and of course since high school I've been to church on Christmas only, if that. I suppose if I had kids I might think differently about that, but I feel my own personal inner spirituality, whatever that may be, is enough for me.
56. I have had many colorful friends, the most colorful being a couple who traveled around the country in a 1973 Winnebago Brave with their two dogs, and supported themselves by making and selling jewelry and reading tarot cards on street corners. Wow. (Not for me, though!)
57. Sometimes crying is enjoyable.
58. I am one of those girls who just gets along better with guys, for the most part. We girls who are like this only get along with girls who are the same way.
59. I enjoy Astrology, and though I'm a Sagittarius and therefore want concise, specific, detailed descriptions and answers based on fact, I also like the big picture and enjoy delving into the possibility of something more spiritual at work in my life. I believe in fate.
60. Polar opposites are problematic.
61. My father is a retired history professor. I guess that's where I got my interest, though I wouldn't have believed that if you'd told me it 15 years ago. History?? Eew.
62. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 1: My mother is a retired legal secretary, which is where I get my ability for novice legalese. I once wrote a sublet agreement for an apartment I got rid of, and when the subletters didn't pay, I took them to court w/ the help of my mother's boss and won easily due specifically to my document. The lawyer said he was impressed and so was the judge. :-)
63. When I was 16, I went with some people from our local Catholic high schools on a missionary trip to Nueva Rosita, Coahuila, Mexico. We lived with families and learned about their town, and helped them do some tasks at their local church/community center. The trip was from PA to TX by train, and then by bus to Nueva Rosita. I would put that at the top of the list as one of the best experiences of my life. I've really wanted to go back someday.
64. Trains are underrated.
65. I am always guilty of giving out good advice yet not being able to take it.
66. I am independent and enjoy being alone, yet crave attention and affection. I don't understand this need for both, but I don't question it.
67. I once had a rather mundane dream about being in my friend's yard and some of us trying to catch their dog who had escaped from the house and was running around the yard. Later that same week, I was standing in their yard when the exact same series of events occured, and I was able to predict, out loud to everyone, how exactly we would catch the dog and where exactly she would run. This has happened other times, but not with such clarity.
68. I do not like to live in a sheltered, normal, unexciting way. There are times for calm and times for upheaval. Without one, we wouldn't appreciate the other.
69. I can make a kickass omelet, and very good steak chili.
70. I have many plants, but I sometimes neglect them. Fresh cut flowers are easier, and I can never have enough. :-)
71. I am intrigued by tiny things, like insects. I used to lie on the grass as a child and watch one tiny little bug climb over individual blades of grass for an hour, sometimes watching it make its way across the yard. This does not apply to bees, however (except from a distance).
72. I am not kidding about the stunt driving thing. "Professional driver on a closed course" sounds like the best job description ever.
73. I do not enjoy it when people move away. I get quite sad or lonely, even if I wasn't particularly close to them. Much worse if I was.
74. I am, in general, a happy, idealistic person who is excited about life, patient, and can easily go with the flow on most tasks or ideas. I enjoy new things and get bored with people unless I am learning something from them or about them. If I am angry with you, that is rare and there is probably a very good reason (at least in my eyes). I cannot stand yelling and temper tantrums.
75. I enjoy having my freedom and am happy to give you yours.
76. I am always cold. I mean, like, needing a jacket cold.
77. At one point, I had my ears pierced 8 times, my nose and tongue once, and have given myself four tatoos with my best friend from high school, one while in the middle of said depression (see #24). Most of the piercings are gone but sometimes I miss them. :-)
78. I was on South Street in Philly when I got my nose pierced. It was 1994, and it was $72 to get it done with a hollow needle like you're supposed to, or $10 to get it done with a gun. Guess which one this broke college student chose? And the hole's still there. (I heal slowly.) :-)
79. I did two things consistently with my mother which I still enjoy with her today. One was going on Sunday drives. We knew every back road for miles. The other was watching weird TV. Our favorite shows were Star Trek: TNG, and DS9, Doctor Who, Northern Exposure, and Twin Peaks. The fact that my mother loved a David Lynch production still makes me giddy.
80. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 2: Despite rarely listening to any mainstream radio, if you turn it on and tune through the stations, I will probably know the words to at least 80% of the songs. Picking up lyrics is one of those random skills I seem to have been given.
81. I have very poor balance and get motion sickness very easily. But not when I'm driving. Consequently, I will always make you give me the keys.
82. I have no problem with working hard and putting in a lot of hours to succeed at something, but my free time is very important to me. If a day doesn't consist of an hour or two to do something to unwind, I can get irritable, and I'll make sure that TOMORROW I'll make time for something fun.
83. I don't do stereotypes. Please don't apply them to me.
84. I experience all my emotions in a very physical way. If I am even the least bit touched or saddened by something, I will cry just a little. If I am happy, or angry, or feeling love, it always manifests itself in tears, or goosebumps, or shivers, or some sort of physical occurance, either positive or negative. I suppose this is normal, but I am constantly astounded at this part of human physiology. In my own interpretation, I feel that it's all connected in some way to our sexual nature as human beings, and that our connections to things through our emotions are just different raw elements of our sexuality that are externalized in a variety of physically perceptible ways.
85. If you've never had a "Chocolate Cake" shot, you are really missing out on a great trick to play on your tastebuds.
86. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 3: I am very good at monotonous tasks. Need something collated? Putting together wedding invitations? Assembly line food? No problem.
87. I was a girl scout until about 5th grade. I don't think I really liked it all that much. (I think I would have liked boy scouts; they went camping. I probably would have liked the boys better, also).
88. I grew up with one brother who is only about 1 1/2 yrs. younger. All our neighbors were also boys. Explains a lot.
89. When I was 18, I got bacterial meningitis and was in the hospital for two weeks over Christmas. I was delerious for much of it, had two spinal taps and was supposedly actually very close to not making it. I tried to get out of the moving car while my parents took me to the hospital. They said they were surprised when I came out of it with my brain and vision intact.
90. I am very glad I've continued this blog and this list, and I'm trying not to edit it too much although I feel I could reveal even more if I put more time into it.
92. I feel I have made friends here and I am very happy about that.
93. I find writing about my thoughts and feelings much easier than talking about them. Sometimes I don't always find the right words when I'm speaking them, but if I have time to write it down, it's much more accurate.
94. If I ever own a home, the only requirements are a huge kitchen and dining area, an acre of land (no mule), a few large trees, and huge windows for natural light.
95. I hope you've made it this far. I put some good thought in to this, and a lot of time. It causes some anxiety to do something like this!
96. Some people go in and out of periods of depression in their life. I like to think that I have more control over my emotions. I am not interested in wasting weeks of my life dwelling on negative things, and I am not interested in going through life doing things that make me unhappy. Perhaps that is selfish in some ways, but you'll have trouble convincing me that it's wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone with the choices I make for my own life, but I don't want to hurt myself, either. Delicate balance, my dear, delicate balance.
(96a. Be aware that only now, having reread this post, did I realize that I have used that phrase THREE TIMES in the course of writing this blog, and that those are two seperate links to those two other occasions. This was an unintentional theme.)
97. I occasionally meet people that make me very uncomfortable. I give these feelings full credit because I usually find out they are correct.
98. I had my first cigarette at sixteen and quit at 25. This list makes me want another one, though.
99. I am going home this week and pulling out all of my old journals. I am rereading them slowly, and might even post some of the things I find here. I'm a little overwhelmed about doing this, I just came up with the idea this very minute, and I'm sure I'll be a little surprised with some of the things I find.
100. The End. In some ways, I could probably write 100 more.
Deahsella Lynne is not my real name. I think I've fooled quite a few of you with this, but that was unintentional and I'm sorry. You know, there ARE still some psychos out there, though I've been fairly lucky here. ;-) Maybe if you ask nicely...
2. I am 28 years old.
3. I have been married for a little over one year.
4. I have been the proud owner of my pit bull mix, Chance, for six years. He's a pain in the ass but I love him. I am very angry at people who own them as some sort of "status symbol".
5. I have been putting off writing this list for a long time, and it will probably stay in "draft" stage for even longer. Begun on 1/13/05 at 12:30 p.m.
6. I love it if you tell me what you think of me.
7. My favorite cinema candy is Sno-Caps, and I can't remember when I ordered anything other than them. The box never lasts the whole movie, and sometimes not through the previews.
8. I haven't been to a movie in a theater since...Lord of the Rings II? But our DVD player gets LOTS of use.
9. Nicholas Cage is hot. He's the only actor I consistently think that about, although Zach Braff is giving him some competition.
10. I become attracted to and love people very easily, and I can read it in your eyes if you feel the same way. That is not necessarily permission for more, but just a part of my personality. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's difficult. But it's part of my sense of freedom.
11. I have moved 13 times in the past ten years, only once out of state and then only for a 2 month span of time (to Colorado). There have always been good reasons to move (ends of relationships, money, marriage) but consequently I never fully feel "moved in".
12. The longest I have lived in one place (other than where I grew up) has been about 2 years. That was about eight years ago.
13. The only foods I can think of that I don't like are anchovies and vienna sausages. Too much salt, and horrible consistency, respectively.
14. I hated olives until about two years ago when I forced myself to like them. I love them now. I think the hatred had something to do with my father's taste for "olive loaf", which completely raped my childhood bologna of all innocence.
15. I was just about to change that last sentence, but the imagery is astoundingly hilarious and grotesque, so you're welcome.
16. I can type, very fast, even the numbers, which is due to my paying attention in high school typing class because my mom could do it and I wanted to, too. I believed them when they said you'd need it later in life.
17. I thought my father's handwriting was really cool as a child (and it's MUCH neater than my mother's) and set out to emulate it. Now, it looks almost exactly the same. (Forging his signature was cake).
18. My first "boyfriend" became a priest.
19. I have lost touch with many close friends, and feel very sad about that. I feel that the loss is entirely my fault because of actions (or lack of action) on my part that pushed them away from me.
20. Most of these friends came to my wedding anyway, which made me feel better, but I haven't talked to many of them since then, which makes me feel worse.
21. I have been opening up to people more freely lately, and I think I can attribute that partially to this blog.
22. I love singing, though I can't read music, and have sang with various acapella groups where I live. I haven't done it in a few years, though, because it's not really my style. I want to learn guitar so I can accompany myself.
23. When I was young, I was a soprano. Then I started smoking in 12th grade or so, and the next time I tested my range I was an alto. I like that better, anyway.
24. The Radiohead album High and Dry was the soundtrack to a very depressed stage of my life, when I distinctly remember listening to it on repeat, while staring in the mirror at myself and crying for hours upon end. Looking back, I think that the depression was probably the effect of drug use, because I can't remember what else I would have been depressed about. This was more than ten years ago.
25. I have journals that I wrote in almost daily from about 1990 to 1998. I haven't read through them in a year or two. Mostly they deal with teenage angsty stuff, leading on through to more serious love or pain, with splatterings of poetry and insightful prose. Also drawings, fairly abstract stuff and weird faery creatures.
26. My journal writing stopped abruptly in 1998, when I met a boyfriend at the time and traveled to CO and back, smoking lots of pot. Very bad times, but learning times. Somehow his existence in my life suppressed all happiness, individuality and creativity for a very long time. I do not want to let anyone have that affect on me again.
27. While I was in Colorado I met a very colorful character who referred to himself only as Cloud, who we lived with. In exchange for us crashing at his home for a month, I cleaned alot. He was kind of a thug, but I always could tell he had a good side that he never revealed and I always wonder what happened to him. I hope he grew up. (This kind of memory of someone is common with me. There are many people who I've had short acquaintances with that I think about often. This goes along with my feeling of sadness when people "leave".)
28. I got my dog on the same trip, in Portland, OR. When we left Portland, it was three adults and three six-week-old puppies in a Toyota Corolla for two days of driving back to CO, and stopping every hour to let them pee. Enough said.
29. Although it would probably have the exact opposite effect on most people, that trip across the country solidified my love of driving.
30. Moving right along, then...
31. I am adopted. I've gone through this story already here, so I won't go in to too much detail again. Still looking.
32. I had a baby boy almost three years ago and we placed him for adoption. His birthfather and I got engaged about 10 months later, and we are married now. The adoption was the right decision for us.
33. Sometimes I really want kids, sometimes I don't. I'm very independent and sometimes fickle, and though I know having a child would change that, I'm not always sure if I want it changed.
34. I have contact with the family that adopted my birthson, and just received some more pictures from them around Christmas. He has curly, strawberry-blondish hair like me, which I'm sure he will hate me for later, unless he becomes a rock star, which is possible, because apparently he's also very in to music, especially drumming. Could have something to do with my constant singing along to the radio and going to see live bands whilst pregnant.
35. I am 5' 10" tall.
36. One of our favorite places during my first year of college was a place called locally "the electric rocks". You pulled off this dirt road and parked, walked down a long power line access road, till you came to this large outcropping of boulders. You could climb around on them and build a bonfire. We saw a porcupine and a bear there once.
37. Oh, you want to know why they were "electric"?
38. Due to the huge power lines that ran down through this area, you could sit on this one particular spot on this one particular rock, that was carved out naturally so that it fit your ass, and stick your legs and arms out into the air, and if someone else ran their fingers lightly across your forehead, you would get little shocks that felt really cool and weird. I think that was probably bad.
39. I am not fearful of getting older. I like the idea. I am, however, fearful of being unhealthy and not being able to enjoy my age.
40. I have never been on an airplane. Just never had the reason or opportunity.
41. I went to Catholic school from 7th grade through high school.
42. Three years or so after graduating high school, I met and became friends with a group of people who I would have been in school with, had I gone to the public school. My life would have turned out much differently if I'd known them all then, I think.
43. I don't talk to any one of the 63 people I graduated high school with. I did talk to one girl for a number of years, but lost touch with her about a year ago.
44. I need something more than what I have right now, but I don't know what that is yet. I don't feel "whole".
45. I am online while I am at work way too much to be okay. But I get my work done, so I'm not sure how wrong that is.
46. I am a flirt.
47. I grew up in an old, large house next to a cornfield, but had close neighbors also. My parents just informed me two days ago that they are moving in April, and I am sad about leaving that house behind.
48. I love history and old contraptions that were used before we had electrical gadgets to do the same tasks. Like my juicer.
49. I would enjoy working in a museum.
50. I lost my virginity at approximately 16, and the guy never talked to me after that day. That only bothered me for a little while, though. He was pretty much an asshole. Wish I'd figured that out beforehand.
51. Halfway there...
52. I ate a lot of vegetables as a child. I got a rash once from eating too many oranges, and turned yellowish from eating too many carrots. I don't really like candy, even now.
53. I am pretty much a morning person. I don't like waking up much later than 9:00, even on a weekend, and I like to get up and get a start to the tasks of the day so I can relax and have a good time in the evening. I've never been able to study much past 6 PM.
54. I have one class left to complete my degree in American Studies, with minors in History and Anthropology. I've put it off because of money. Soon, though. (These majors were only settled upon after gliding around in English, Art, Music, and Veterinary Medicine.)
55. I was raised Catholic, and went to the church my mother attended. My father is Methodist, but later in life I really liked his church better. (More young people and more friendly). I'm not religious though, and of course since high school I've been to church on Christmas only, if that. I suppose if I had kids I might think differently about that, but I feel my own personal inner spirituality, whatever that may be, is enough for me.
56. I have had many colorful friends, the most colorful being a couple who traveled around the country in a 1973 Winnebago Brave with their two dogs, and supported themselves by making and selling jewelry and reading tarot cards on street corners. Wow. (Not for me, though!)
57. Sometimes crying is enjoyable.
58. I am one of those girls who just gets along better with guys, for the most part. We girls who are like this only get along with girls who are the same way.
59. I enjoy Astrology, and though I'm a Sagittarius and therefore want concise, specific, detailed descriptions and answers based on fact, I also like the big picture and enjoy delving into the possibility of something more spiritual at work in my life. I believe in fate.
60. Polar opposites are problematic.
61. My father is a retired history professor. I guess that's where I got my interest, though I wouldn't have believed that if you'd told me it 15 years ago. History?? Eew.
62. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 1: My mother is a retired legal secretary, which is where I get my ability for novice legalese. I once wrote a sublet agreement for an apartment I got rid of, and when the subletters didn't pay, I took them to court w/ the help of my mother's boss and won easily due specifically to my document. The lawyer said he was impressed and so was the judge. :-)
63. When I was 16, I went with some people from our local Catholic high schools on a missionary trip to Nueva Rosita, Coahuila, Mexico. We lived with families and learned about their town, and helped them do some tasks at their local church/community center. The trip was from PA to TX by train, and then by bus to Nueva Rosita. I would put that at the top of the list as one of the best experiences of my life. I've really wanted to go back someday.
64. Trains are underrated.
65. I am always guilty of giving out good advice yet not being able to take it.
66. I am independent and enjoy being alone, yet crave attention and affection. I don't understand this need for both, but I don't question it.
67. I once had a rather mundane dream about being in my friend's yard and some of us trying to catch their dog who had escaped from the house and was running around the yard. Later that same week, I was standing in their yard when the exact same series of events occured, and I was able to predict, out loud to everyone, how exactly we would catch the dog and where exactly she would run. This has happened other times, but not with such clarity.
68. I do not like to live in a sheltered, normal, unexciting way. There are times for calm and times for upheaval. Without one, we wouldn't appreciate the other.
69. I can make a kickass omelet, and very good steak chili.
70. I have many plants, but I sometimes neglect them. Fresh cut flowers are easier, and I can never have enough. :-)
71. I am intrigued by tiny things, like insects. I used to lie on the grass as a child and watch one tiny little bug climb over individual blades of grass for an hour, sometimes watching it make its way across the yard. This does not apply to bees, however (except from a distance).
72. I am not kidding about the stunt driving thing. "Professional driver on a closed course" sounds like the best job description ever.
73. I do not enjoy it when people move away. I get quite sad or lonely, even if I wasn't particularly close to them. Much worse if I was.
74. I am, in general, a happy, idealistic person who is excited about life, patient, and can easily go with the flow on most tasks or ideas. I enjoy new things and get bored with people unless I am learning something from them or about them. If I am angry with you, that is rare and there is probably a very good reason (at least in my eyes). I cannot stand yelling and temper tantrums.
75. I enjoy having my freedom and am happy to give you yours.
76. I am always cold. I mean, like, needing a jacket cold.
77. At one point, I had my ears pierced 8 times, my nose and tongue once, and have given myself four tatoos with my best friend from high school, one while in the middle of said depression (see #24). Most of the piercings are gone but sometimes I miss them. :-)
78. I was on South Street in Philly when I got my nose pierced. It was 1994, and it was $72 to get it done with a hollow needle like you're supposed to, or $10 to get it done with a gun. Guess which one this broke college student chose? And the hole's still there. (I heal slowly.) :-)
79. I did two things consistently with my mother which I still enjoy with her today. One was going on Sunday drives. We knew every back road for miles. The other was watching weird TV. Our favorite shows were Star Trek: TNG, and DS9, Doctor Who, Northern Exposure, and Twin Peaks. The fact that my mother loved a David Lynch production still makes me giddy.
80. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 2: Despite rarely listening to any mainstream radio, if you turn it on and tune through the stations, I will probably know the words to at least 80% of the songs. Picking up lyrics is one of those random skills I seem to have been given.
81. I have very poor balance and get motion sickness very easily. But not when I'm driving. Consequently, I will always make you give me the keys.
82. I have no problem with working hard and putting in a lot of hours to succeed at something, but my free time is very important to me. If a day doesn't consist of an hour or two to do something to unwind, I can get irritable, and I'll make sure that TOMORROW I'll make time for something fun.
83. I don't do stereotypes. Please don't apply them to me.
84. I experience all my emotions in a very physical way. If I am even the least bit touched or saddened by something, I will cry just a little. If I am happy, or angry, or feeling love, it always manifests itself in tears, or goosebumps, or shivers, or some sort of physical occurance, either positive or negative. I suppose this is normal, but I am constantly astounded at this part of human physiology. In my own interpretation, I feel that it's all connected in some way to our sexual nature as human beings, and that our connections to things through our emotions are just different raw elements of our sexuality that are externalized in a variety of physically perceptible ways.
85. If you've never had a "Chocolate Cake" shot, you are really missing out on a great trick to play on your tastebuds.
86. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 3: I am very good at monotonous tasks. Need something collated? Putting together wedding invitations? Assembly line food? No problem.
87. I was a girl scout until about 5th grade. I don't think I really liked it all that much. (I think I would have liked boy scouts; they went camping. I probably would have liked the boys better, also).
88. I grew up with one brother who is only about 1 1/2 yrs. younger. All our neighbors were also boys. Explains a lot.
89. When I was 18, I got bacterial meningitis and was in the hospital for two weeks over Christmas. I was delerious for much of it, had two spinal taps and was supposedly actually very close to not making it. I tried to get out of the moving car while my parents took me to the hospital. They said they were surprised when I came out of it with my brain and vision intact.
90. I am very glad I've continued this blog and this list, and I'm trying not to edit it too much although I feel I could reveal even more if I put more time into it.
92. I feel I have made friends here and I am very happy about that.
93. I find writing about my thoughts and feelings much easier than talking about them. Sometimes I don't always find the right words when I'm speaking them, but if I have time to write it down, it's much more accurate.
94. If I ever own a home, the only requirements are a huge kitchen and dining area, an acre of land (no mule), a few large trees, and huge windows for natural light.
95. I hope you've made it this far. I put some good thought in to this, and a lot of time. It causes some anxiety to do something like this!
96. Some people go in and out of periods of depression in their life. I like to think that I have more control over my emotions. I am not interested in wasting weeks of my life dwelling on negative things, and I am not interested in going through life doing things that make me unhappy. Perhaps that is selfish in some ways, but you'll have trouble convincing me that it's wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone with the choices I make for my own life, but I don't want to hurt myself, either. Delicate balance, my dear, delicate balance.
(96a. Be aware that only now, having reread this post, did I realize that I have used that phrase THREE TIMES in the course of writing this blog, and that those are two seperate links to those two other occasions. This was an unintentional theme.)
97. I occasionally meet people that make me very uncomfortable. I give these feelings full credit because I usually find out they are correct.
98. I had my first cigarette at sixteen and quit at 25. This list makes me want another one, though.
99. I am going home this week and pulling out all of my old journals. I am rereading them slowly, and might even post some of the things I find here. I'm a little overwhelmed about doing this, I just came up with the idea this very minute, and I'm sure I'll be a little surprised with some of the things I find.
100. The End. In some ways, I could probably write 100 more.
1.13.2005
If You Can't Take The Heat, Get Out Of...PA?
There's a long and long awaited post coming,
which is the only explanation you're getting for this lack of posting.
Hopefully it'll be done by the end of the weekend. Or tonight.
In other news, it's 50-something here today, and supposed to be 20-something tomorrow.
Sick much?
which is the only explanation you're getting for this lack of posting.
Hopefully it'll be done by the end of the weekend. Or tonight.
In other news, it's 50-something here today, and supposed to be 20-something tomorrow.
Sick much?
1.12.2005
1.11.2005
Needles
WHAT on EARTH did they think they were doing with THIS??!!
I mean, seriously...we all thought acupuncture was weird. Drinking unpasturized, raw milk is...well, you're drinking the kool-aid; and sure, vaccines are just diluted potencies of the disease you're trying to prevent...
But I really think my eyes would look sexier if I had a little bit of BOTULISM?
*sigh*
I guess drinking lots of water and going to the gym these days just isn't enough.
I'll never be a moviestar.
I mean, seriously...we all thought acupuncture was weird. Drinking unpasturized, raw milk is...well, you're drinking the kool-aid; and sure, vaccines are just diluted potencies of the disease you're trying to prevent...
But I really think my eyes would look sexier if I had a little bit of BOTULISM?
*sigh*
I guess drinking lots of water and going to the gym these days just isn't enough.
I'll never be a moviestar.
1.10.2005
The Quiz Is Still Making It's Rounds...
I've spent like 2 days on this thing. Whatever, here you go:
3 names you go by:
1. Deahsella
2. Sa...oh, wait, you think I'm going to tell you? Hmmm, you're almost there....
3. Flower Bitch
3 screen names you have:
1. Deahsella Lynne
2. Flower Bitch
3. I don't have a third, but perhaps I'll make one up now.......
Fizzlelove Schnizzlepepper
3 things you like about yourself:
1. I enjoy helping with other's problems (especially in love) and can usually give good advice.
2. I have beautiful handwriting (when I'm focused on it).
3. I can sing.
3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. I've done nothing with my vocal talent and I hate that I'm wasting it, but it takes me a little time to get over being nervous.
2. I don't drink too often, but I often drink too much.
3. I don't take the advice that I easily give out to others.
3 parts of your heritage:
1. Adopted. But I think I'm probably Irish. (strawberry hair, and they'd named me Leann. Do those things count?)
2. Raised in a German family. (I must be Irish, because I can keep up w/ their drinking.)
3. It's hard to know so little about how to answer this question.
3 things that scare you:
1. Falling on ice and getting the wind knocked out of me. (happened many times as a child, now it takes me forever to get anywhere in winter.)
2. Car accidents. Which is why I'm a really good driver.
3. Ghosts.
3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Driving. I love it.
2. Orange juice. ONLY the NOT-from-concentrate kind.
3. Letting the dog out. (You said essentials, you didn't say I had to like them.)
3 things you're wearing right now:
1. Crappy work clothes.
2. Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body Works...yum.
3. Too many earrings.
3 of your favorite bands/artists (today):
1. Radiohead
2. Frank Sinatra
3. Jack's Farm (R.I.P.)
3 of your favorite songs at present:
1. Slip-Sliding Away - Simon and Garfunkel
2. Montpelier - Girlyman (thanks to Radioio, where I just heard it)
3. In White Light - Rachel Bissex
3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Archery (why not, I'm a Sag anyway)
2. Driving south, 'cuz I've only ever been West
3. Flying...gotta do it SOMEDAY.
3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Affection
2. Comfort in each other's individuality
3. Attraction
2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
1. If I tell you the truth, I'll get myself into trouble.
2. If I tell you a lie, you're going to think it's the truth.
3. I really wish we'd get at least a foot of snow.
3 physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Playfulness
2. Individuality
3. Honesty
3 physical things about a love interest that appeal: (Since Jack corrected me and my inability to read the directions on the previous question)
1. Strength
2. A soothing voice
3. Eyes that make words unnecessary
3 things you just can't do:
1. Ice skate
2. Let go and move on
3. Hold back tears
3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. Watching good live music in a small, smoky bar.
2. Intimate, detailed conversations with friends.
3. Being outside on a warm summer day in the woods.
3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Leave work.
2. Take the time machine to summer.
3. Clean out my damn car. No, seriously.
3 careers you're considering:
1. Running a dog kennel
2. Professional Stunt Driver
3. Anything not involving a desk.
3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Utah
2. Amsterdam
3. Australia
3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. Sebastian
2. William (not Bill)
3. Joelle
3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Go to Belize.
2. Learn guitar.
3. Stunt driving, preferably slalom and a nice reverse 180.
3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Tara Lynn Johnson (did you do this already? I didn't think so, but...)
2. Leslie
3. Shell
3 names you go by:
1. Deahsella
2. Sa...oh, wait, you think I'm going to tell you? Hmmm, you're almost there....
3. Flower Bitch
3 screen names you have:
1. Deahsella Lynne
2. Flower Bitch
3. I don't have a third, but perhaps I'll make one up now.......
Fizzlelove Schnizzlepepper
3 things you like about yourself:
1. I enjoy helping with other's problems (especially in love) and can usually give good advice.
2. I have beautiful handwriting (when I'm focused on it).
3. I can sing.
3 things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. I've done nothing with my vocal talent and I hate that I'm wasting it, but it takes me a little time to get over being nervous.
2. I don't drink too often, but I often drink too much.
3. I don't take the advice that I easily give out to others.
3 parts of your heritage:
1. Adopted. But I think I'm probably Irish. (strawberry hair, and they'd named me Leann. Do those things count?)
2. Raised in a German family. (I must be Irish, because I can keep up w/ their drinking.)
3. It's hard to know so little about how to answer this question.
3 things that scare you:
1. Falling on ice and getting the wind knocked out of me. (happened many times as a child, now it takes me forever to get anywhere in winter.)
2. Car accidents. Which is why I'm a really good driver.
3. Ghosts.
3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Driving. I love it.
2. Orange juice. ONLY the NOT-from-concentrate kind.
3. Letting the dog out. (You said essentials, you didn't say I had to like them.)
3 things you're wearing right now:
1. Crappy work clothes.
2. Warm Vanilla Sugar from Bath and Body Works...yum.
3. Too many earrings.
3 of your favorite bands/artists (today):
1. Radiohead
2. Frank Sinatra
3. Jack's Farm (R.I.P.)
3 of your favorite songs at present:
1. Slip-Sliding Away - Simon and Garfunkel
2. Montpelier - Girlyman (thanks to Radioio, where I just heard it)
3. In White Light - Rachel Bissex
3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Archery (why not, I'm a Sag anyway)
2. Driving south, 'cuz I've only ever been West
3. Flying...gotta do it SOMEDAY.
3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Affection
2. Comfort in each other's individuality
3. Attraction
2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
1. If I tell you the truth, I'll get myself into trouble.
2. If I tell you a lie, you're going to think it's the truth.
3. I really wish we'd get at least a foot of snow.
3 physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Playfulness
2. Individuality
3. Honesty
3 physical things about a love interest that appeal: (Since Jack corrected me and my inability to read the directions on the previous question)
1. Strength
2. A soothing voice
3. Eyes that make words unnecessary
3 things you just can't do:
1. Ice skate
2. Let go and move on
3. Hold back tears
3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. Watching good live music in a small, smoky bar.
2. Intimate, detailed conversations with friends.
3. Being outside on a warm summer day in the woods.
3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Leave work.
2. Take the time machine to summer.
3. Clean out my damn car. No, seriously.
3 careers you're considering:
1. Running a dog kennel
2. Professional Stunt Driver
3. Anything not involving a desk.
3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Utah
2. Amsterdam
3. Australia
3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. Sebastian
2. William (not Bill)
3. Joelle
3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Go to Belize.
2. Learn guitar.
3. Stunt driving, preferably slalom and a nice reverse 180.
3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Tara Lynn Johnson (did you do this already? I didn't think so, but...)
2. Leslie
3. Shell
The Nearer Your Destination
I used to write, a lot. I used to write a lot of poetry. Ok, that involved a lot of bad, teenage poetry, but it got better.
I don't do that anymore. I should do that. Has it been lack of inspiration? I suppose, somewhat. There are more words creeping out of my head these days. Maybe it's just the sad winter. Or a need to break out there with just a little more love.
When I say used to, I really mean it. I think the last full journal I filled was probably in 1998. I know why it happened then; a big, long lonely downhill...but the fact that it's lasted six years is a little frightening. Do we really become this dispassionate as we age? Perhaps my real New Year's Resolution should be to fight that.
___________________________________________
Slip Slidin' Away
P. Simon, 1977
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
I know a man, he came from my home town
He wore his passion for his woman like a thorny crown
He said "Delores, I live in fear
My love for you is so overpowering
I'm afraid that I will disappear"
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
I know a woman, became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said "A good day ain't got no rain"
She said "A bad day's when I lie in bed
And I think of things that might have been"
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he had done
He came a long way just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and he headed home again
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
God only knows, God makes his plan
The information's unavailable to the mortal man
We're working our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we're gliding down the highway
When in fact we're slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
I don't do that anymore. I should do that. Has it been lack of inspiration? I suppose, somewhat. There are more words creeping out of my head these days. Maybe it's just the sad winter. Or a need to break out there with just a little more love.
When I say used to, I really mean it. I think the last full journal I filled was probably in 1998. I know why it happened then; a big, long lonely downhill...but the fact that it's lasted six years is a little frightening. Do we really become this dispassionate as we age? Perhaps my real New Year's Resolution should be to fight that.
___________________________________________
Slip Slidin' Away
P. Simon, 1977
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
I know a man, he came from my home town
He wore his passion for his woman like a thorny crown
He said "Delores, I live in fear
My love for you is so overpowering
I'm afraid that I will disappear"
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
I know a woman, became a wife
These are the very words she uses to describe her life
She said "A good day ain't got no rain"
She said "A bad day's when I lie in bed
And I think of things that might have been"
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
And I know a father who had a son
He longed to tell him all the reasons for the things he had done
He came a long way just to explain
He kissed his boy as he lay sleeping
Then he turned around and he headed home again
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
God only knows, God makes his plan
The information's unavailable to the mortal man
We're working our jobs, collect our pay
Believe we're gliding down the highway
When in fact we're slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
Slip slidin' away
You know the nearer your destination
The more you're slip slidin' away
A Poem Post I Never Posted
(from November 16)
Bring me the wine
so I may drink to your health,
and your children.
Make clean your home
so I may sleep next to you
and remember the days gone by
when wine was the beginning.
Believe in the comfort of love –
The fading of colors
Ignores the heart.
There is a future in the unknown,
the caress of hands
untouched, or forgotten.
Bring me the wine
so I may drink to your health,
and your children.
Make clean your home
so I may sleep next to you
and remember the days gone by
when wine was the beginning.
Believe in the comfort of love –
The fading of colors
Ignores the heart.
There is a future in the unknown,
the caress of hands
untouched, or forgotten.
1.06.2005
Words Of My Workplace
I thought of a new, fun and exciting game I can play with my blog.
It's called "Words of my Workplace" or "Words I Have No Need For Using Except While Sitting At My Cubicle"
Feel free to enter them into your next Scrabble lineup, or perhaps just to peruse the dictionary with.
For example, we have:
asbestos, carpentry, lead paint, wiremold, HVAC, ballast, and hacksaw.
On an exciting day, we might throw in a little:
nut driver, conduit reamer, disposable coverall, sawzall, and portaband.
And just when you thought "I've seen it all!" -- Just wait, there's MORE! Like:
reactor, overtime, modular carpet, plumbing, and commode.
_________________________________________________________________________
Just when I though my vocabulary couldn't get any more big. ;-)
It's called "Words of my Workplace" or "Words I Have No Need For Using Except While Sitting At My Cubicle"
Feel free to enter them into your next Scrabble lineup, or perhaps just to peruse the dictionary with.
For example, we have:
asbestos, carpentry, lead paint, wiremold, HVAC, ballast, and hacksaw.
On an exciting day, we might throw in a little:
nut driver, conduit reamer, disposable coverall, sawzall, and portaband.
And just when you thought "I've seen it all!" -- Just wait, there's MORE! Like:
reactor, overtime, modular carpet, plumbing, and commode.
_________________________________________________________________________
Just when I though my vocabulary couldn't get any more big. ;-)
Who's Your Daddy
There's a "big uproar" among the adoption community about the new show "Who's Your Daddy." Not wanting to join the ranks of those who comment without viewing it or who just boycott it altogether, which many have done, I did watch it on Monday and just realized I should comment here.
There are many things wrong with the show. Forget, for a moment, about its trivialization of the adoption experience and the adoption triad, and that Fox has succeeded in making it into a game. The show has failed to give us more detail, so far, into the lives of the women taking part. We learned nothing of T.J.'s relationship with her adoptive family except two very negative things; their part in her experiences and what led her to want to participate were sorely lacking.
The men who were acting as if they could be her father did a disturbingly good job. As each of them left, they wished her well, but we all know that they were only there for the prospect of winning $100,000, and I'm sure I'm not the only one to doubt their sincerity or their tears.
I cannot in good conscience support a show like this. But, despite all these negatives and many, many more, the show can, unfortunately, serve a better purpose. I am sure that there were viewers out there who, before Monday, had never even heard the word "birthfather". There are many who still believe that it is in the best interests of all parties, especially the adoptee, that all information regarding the adoption be locked up and unopened. These opinions are usually born of fear or ignorance; they do nothing except promote a veil of secrecy that is forced upon all adoptees' lives. These opinions reinforce the false assumption that some great, unknown danger would arise from the adoptee being informed of their history. In most cases, that is simply not true. Each birthparent's experience was different, and it is their choice if they wish to reciprocate contact. Likewise, it is the adoptee's choice if he or she wishes to search or be found. It is NOT the STATE'S CHOICE. It is NOT the POLITICIAN'S CHOICE. If I were to find my birthparents, and they were to want nothing to do with me, I would have to accept that and move on. But even knowing their names would be enough. Any detail would be better than nothing at all.
So as far as "Who's Your Daddy" is concerned, I believe they have used a desire in our culture for this sort of twisted drama in a very faulty, cold, ignorant way. But they have informed people of something as well. Hopefully, in revealing the emotion and happiness that can come of an adoptee learning their past, and the closure and fufillment for birthparents in knowing that the child they gave up is healthy and alive, Fox has shown some viewers the value of allowing access to the truth.
There are many things wrong with the show. Forget, for a moment, about its trivialization of the adoption experience and the adoption triad, and that Fox has succeeded in making it into a game. The show has failed to give us more detail, so far, into the lives of the women taking part. We learned nothing of T.J.'s relationship with her adoptive family except two very negative things; their part in her experiences and what led her to want to participate were sorely lacking.
The men who were acting as if they could be her father did a disturbingly good job. As each of them left, they wished her well, but we all know that they were only there for the prospect of winning $100,000, and I'm sure I'm not the only one to doubt their sincerity or their tears.
I cannot in good conscience support a show like this. But, despite all these negatives and many, many more, the show can, unfortunately, serve a better purpose. I am sure that there were viewers out there who, before Monday, had never even heard the word "birthfather". There are many who still believe that it is in the best interests of all parties, especially the adoptee, that all information regarding the adoption be locked up and unopened. These opinions are usually born of fear or ignorance; they do nothing except promote a veil of secrecy that is forced upon all adoptees' lives. These opinions reinforce the false assumption that some great, unknown danger would arise from the adoptee being informed of their history. In most cases, that is simply not true. Each birthparent's experience was different, and it is their choice if they wish to reciprocate contact. Likewise, it is the adoptee's choice if he or she wishes to search or be found. It is NOT the STATE'S CHOICE. It is NOT the POLITICIAN'S CHOICE. If I were to find my birthparents, and they were to want nothing to do with me, I would have to accept that and move on. But even knowing their names would be enough. Any detail would be better than nothing at all.
So as far as "Who's Your Daddy" is concerned, I believe they have used a desire in our culture for this sort of twisted drama in a very faulty, cold, ignorant way. But they have informed people of something as well. Hopefully, in revealing the emotion and happiness that can come of an adoptee learning their past, and the closure and fufillment for birthparents in knowing that the child they gave up is healthy and alive, Fox has shown some viewers the value of allowing access to the truth.
"Always look on the bright side of life...doo doo, da doo da doo da doo..."
This rain is driving me, and everyone else NUTS. Not to mention the closed roads and downed power lines....
but the ice that's encasing EVERYTHING looks sooo pretty.
Just thought I'd share.
but the ice that's encasing EVERYTHING looks sooo pretty.
Just thought I'd share.
Preventing Blender Mishaps, One Moron At A Time
All lawsuits aside, I hope they never stop writing these.
There has never been better motivation to find new and exciting ways to use inanimate objects for unintended purposes. In fact, if they ever need someone to write more, or to invent more uses for said product, I'll be the first to volunteer.
Now THERE'S another use for a Think Tank.
There has never been better motivation to find new and exciting ways to use inanimate objects for unintended purposes. In fact, if they ever need someone to write more, or to invent more uses for said product, I'll be the first to volunteer.
Now THERE'S another use for a Think Tank.
1.04.2005
What I Did On New Year's Eve
Special thanks to ljferdinand for preparing this memorable, heartfelt account of our 2005's Eve antics. You will not be disappointed:
The Helvetica Scenario: A Short Film
The Helvetica Scenario: A Short Film
1.03.2005
Keyboard Of Bacterial Love
And if all I just mentioned about the hell that is a desk job wasn't enough:
You're Better Off Moving Your Desk Into The Bathroom.
It's days like this that I want to take Cartman's words to heart the most;
"Screw this, I'm goin' home."
You're Better Off Moving Your Desk Into The Bathroom.
It's days like this that I want to take Cartman's words to heart the most;
"Screw this, I'm goin' home."
There, there. I missed you too.
I feel like I have been neglecting my child.
And by my child, I mean this little space o'mine.
Without an overextending, boring breakdown of the last week, let's just leave it at the fact that the college was closed, so I wasn't working at this computer, and instead went to work a few random shifts at the coffee shop that was my former employement, and my home computer is in a fairly uncomfortable space and I just couldn't find the time or inspiration to write much. So, I took a week or so off.
Coolest Christmas presents included: the biography of Frank Zappa, really good binoculars, and a book all about weeds.
I said weeds.
I have not yet picked up the guitar. But I am home alone tonight, so perhaps I will.
The biggest thing, though, is my one little realization. I CANNOT continue for the rest of my life working at a 40 hr. a week desk job. I can't do it. First off, it's making me unhealthy. I mean, I used to be a fairly active person, and now my arm hurts, my back hurts, and my leg hurts, and I know for a fact that it's a direct correlation to how much I sit at this goddamned desk. It sucks, and I want no part of it. Second, I am much more social than this job, and I need to be able to interact with people. When I went back to the coffee shop, every single person who came around the corner and saw me working was all smiles and excitedness and how are you, and I KNOW that they were happy to talk to me. I'm good at that, and I love people, and I can make even the most curmudgeonly customer at least mildly pleased at their interaction with me. Now, I know I can't go on working a shitty, low-paying food service job, but I need to do something that allows more of the same kind of face-to-face interaction, and a little bit of walking around now and again.
And saying all that makes me REALLY not want to be here at work right now.
*sigh*
At least I have you to talk to. :-)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And by my child, I mean this little space o'mine.
Without an overextending, boring breakdown of the last week, let's just leave it at the fact that the college was closed, so I wasn't working at this computer, and instead went to work a few random shifts at the coffee shop that was my former employement, and my home computer is in a fairly uncomfortable space and I just couldn't find the time or inspiration to write much. So, I took a week or so off.
Coolest Christmas presents included: the biography of Frank Zappa, really good binoculars, and a book all about weeds.
I said weeds.
I have not yet picked up the guitar. But I am home alone tonight, so perhaps I will.
The biggest thing, though, is my one little realization. I CANNOT continue for the rest of my life working at a 40 hr. a week desk job. I can't do it. First off, it's making me unhealthy. I mean, I used to be a fairly active person, and now my arm hurts, my back hurts, and my leg hurts, and I know for a fact that it's a direct correlation to how much I sit at this goddamned desk. It sucks, and I want no part of it. Second, I am much more social than this job, and I need to be able to interact with people. When I went back to the coffee shop, every single person who came around the corner and saw me working was all smiles and excitedness and how are you, and I KNOW that they were happy to talk to me. I'm good at that, and I love people, and I can make even the most curmudgeonly customer at least mildly pleased at their interaction with me. Now, I know I can't go on working a shitty, low-paying food service job, but I need to do something that allows more of the same kind of face-to-face interaction, and a little bit of walking around now and again.
And saying all that makes me REALLY not want to be here at work right now.
*sigh*
At least I have you to talk to. :-)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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