Who's Your Daddy

There's a "big uproar" among the adoption community about the new show "Who's Your Daddy." Not wanting to join the ranks of those who comment without viewing it or who just boycott it altogether, which many have done, I did watch it on Monday and just realized I should comment here.

There are many things wrong with the show. Forget, for a moment, about its trivialization of the adoption experience and the adoption triad, and that Fox has succeeded in making it into a game. The show has failed to give us more detail, so far, into the lives of the women taking part. We learned nothing of T.J.'s relationship with her adoptive family except two very negative things; their part in her experiences and what led her to want to participate were sorely lacking.

The men who were acting as if they could be her father did a disturbingly good job. As each of them left, they wished her well, but we all know that they were only there for the prospect of winning $100,000, and I'm sure I'm not the only one to doubt their sincerity or their tears.

I cannot in good conscience support a show like this. But, despite all these negatives and many, many more, the show can, unfortunately, serve a better purpose. I am sure that there were viewers out there who, before Monday, had never even heard the word "birthfather". There are many who still believe that it is in the best interests of all parties, especially the adoptee, that all information regarding the adoption be locked up and unopened. These opinions are usually born of fear or ignorance; they do nothing except promote a veil of secrecy that is forced upon all adoptees' lives. These opinions reinforce the false assumption that some great, unknown danger would arise from the adoptee being informed of their history. In most cases, that is simply not true. Each birthparent's experience was different, and it is their choice if they wish to reciprocate contact. Likewise, it is the adoptee's choice if he or she wishes to search or be found. It is NOT the STATE'S CHOICE. It is NOT the POLITICIAN'S CHOICE. If I were to find my birthparents, and they were to want nothing to do with me, I would have to accept that and move on. But even knowing their names would be enough. Any detail would be better than nothing at all.

So as far as "Who's Your Daddy" is concerned, I believe they have used a desire in our culture for this sort of twisted drama in a very faulty, cold, ignorant way. But they have informed people of something as well. Hopefully, in revealing the emotion and happiness that can come of an adoptee learning their past, and the closure and fufillment for birthparents in knowing that the child they gave up is healthy and alive, Fox has shown some viewers the value of allowing access to the truth.