My 100 Things

How DID this idea to write 100 things come about in blog-land? I have no idea. I suppose it's more of a "personal" blog thing, though I'm sure there are people out there who could write 100 things about their political views, or give you 100 links, or any other number of things. In many ways I've been looking forward to doing it, but it's also a daunting task when you get started. Aw, what the hell, without further ado, Number One:

Deahsella Lynne is not my real name. I think I've fooled quite a few of you with this, but that was unintentional and I'm sorry. You know, there ARE still some psychos out there, though I've been fairly lucky here. ;-) Maybe if you ask nicely...

2. I am 28 years old.

3. I have been married for a little over one year.

4. I have been the proud owner of my pit bull mix, Chance, for six years. He's a pain in the ass but I love him. I am very angry at people who own them as some sort of "status symbol".

5. I have been putting off writing this list for a long time, and it will probably stay in "draft" stage for even longer. Begun on 1/13/05 at 12:30 p.m.

6. I love it if you tell me what you think of me.

7. My favorite cinema candy is Sno-Caps, and I can't remember when I ordered anything other than them. The box never lasts the whole movie, and sometimes not through the previews.

8. I haven't been to a movie in a theater since...Lord of the Rings II? But our DVD player gets LOTS of use.

9. Nicholas Cage is hot. He's the only actor I consistently think that about, although Zach Braff is giving him some competition.

10. I become attracted to and love people very easily, and I can read it in your eyes if you feel the same way. That is not necessarily permission for more, but just a part of my personality. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's difficult. But it's part of my sense of freedom.

11. I have moved 13 times in the past ten years, only once out of state and then only for a 2 month span of time (to Colorado). There have always been good reasons to move (ends of relationships, money, marriage) but consequently I never fully feel "moved in".

12. The longest I have lived in one place (other than where I grew up) has been about 2 years. That was about eight years ago.

13. The only foods I can think of that I don't like are anchovies and vienna sausages. Too much salt, and horrible consistency, respectively.

14. I hated olives until about two years ago when I forced myself to like them. I love them now. I think the hatred had something to do with my father's taste for "olive loaf", which completely raped my childhood bologna of all innocence.

15. I was just about to change that last sentence, but the imagery is astoundingly hilarious and grotesque, so you're welcome.

16. I can type, very fast, even the numbers, which is due to my paying attention in high school typing class because my mom could do it and I wanted to, too. I believed them when they said you'd need it later in life.

17. I thought my father's handwriting was really cool as a child (and it's MUCH neater than my mother's) and set out to emulate it. Now, it looks almost exactly the same. (Forging his signature was cake).

18. My first "boyfriend" became a priest.

19. I have lost touch with many close friends, and feel very sad about that. I feel that the loss is entirely my fault because of actions (or lack of action) on my part that pushed them away from me.

20. Most of these friends came to my wedding anyway, which made me feel better, but I haven't talked to many of them since then, which makes me feel worse.

21. I have been opening up to people more freely lately, and I think I can attribute that partially to this blog.

22. I love singing, though I can't read music, and have sang with various acapella groups where I live. I haven't done it in a few years, though, because it's not really my style. I want to learn guitar so I can accompany myself.

23. When I was young, I was a soprano. Then I started smoking in 12th grade or so, and the next time I tested my range I was an alto. I like that better, anyway.

24. The Radiohead album High and Dry was the soundtrack to a very depressed stage of my life, when I distinctly remember listening to it on repeat, while staring in the mirror at myself and crying for hours upon end. Looking back, I think that the depression was probably the effect of drug use, because I can't remember what else I would have been depressed about. This was more than ten years ago.

25. I have journals that I wrote in almost daily from about 1990 to 1998. I haven't read through them in a year or two. Mostly they deal with teenage angsty stuff, leading on through to more serious love or pain, with splatterings of poetry and insightful prose. Also drawings, fairly abstract stuff and weird faery creatures.

26. My journal writing stopped abruptly in 1998, when I met a boyfriend at the time and traveled to CO and back, smoking lots of pot. Very bad times, but learning times. Somehow his existence in my life suppressed all happiness, individuality and creativity for a very long time. I do not want to let anyone have that affect on me again.

27. While I was in Colorado I met a very colorful character who referred to himself only as Cloud, who we lived with. In exchange for us crashing at his home for a month, I cleaned alot. He was kind of a thug, but I always could tell he had a good side that he never revealed and I always wonder what happened to him. I hope he grew up. (This kind of memory of someone is common with me. There are many people who I've had short acquaintances with that I think about often. This goes along with my feeling of sadness when people "leave".)

28. I got my dog on the same trip, in Portland, OR. When we left Portland, it was three adults and three six-week-old puppies in a Toyota Corolla for two days of driving back to CO, and stopping every hour to let them pee. Enough said.

29. Although it would probably have the exact opposite effect on most people, that trip across the country solidified my love of driving.

30. Moving right along, then...

31. I am adopted. I've gone through this story already here, so I won't go in to too much detail again. Still looking.

32. I had a baby boy almost three years ago and we placed him for adoption. His birthfather and I got engaged about 10 months later, and we are married now. The adoption was the right decision for us.

33. Sometimes I really want kids, sometimes I don't. I'm very independent and sometimes fickle, and though I know having a child would change that, I'm not always sure if I want it changed.

34. I have contact with the family that adopted my birthson, and just received some more pictures from them around Christmas. He has curly, strawberry-blondish hair like me, which I'm sure he will hate me for later, unless he becomes a rock star, which is possible, because apparently he's also very in to music, especially drumming. Could have something to do with my constant singing along to the radio and going to see live bands whilst pregnant.

35. I am 5' 10" tall.

36. One of our favorite places during my first year of college was a place called locally "the electric rocks". You pulled off this dirt road and parked, walked down a long power line access road, till you came to this large outcropping of boulders. You could climb around on them and build a bonfire. We saw a porcupine and a bear there once.

37. Oh, you want to know why they were "electric"?

38. Due to the huge power lines that ran down through this area, you could sit on this one particular spot on this one particular rock, that was carved out naturally so that it fit your ass, and stick your legs and arms out into the air, and if someone else ran their fingers lightly across your forehead, you would get little shocks that felt really cool and weird. I think that was probably bad.

39. I am not fearful of getting older. I like the idea. I am, however, fearful of being unhealthy and not being able to enjoy my age.

40. I have never been on an airplane. Just never had the reason or opportunity.

41. I went to Catholic school from 7th grade through high school.

42. Three years or so after graduating high school, I met and became friends with a group of people who I would have been in school with, had I gone to the public school. My life would have turned out much differently if I'd known them all then, I think.

43. I don't talk to any one of the 63 people I graduated high school with. I did talk to one girl for a number of years, but lost touch with her about a year ago.

44. I need something more than what I have right now, but I don't know what that is yet. I don't feel "whole".

45. I am online while I am at work way too much to be okay. But I get my work done, so I'm not sure how wrong that is.

46. I am a flirt.

47. I grew up in an old, large house next to a cornfield, but had close neighbors also. My parents just informed me two days ago that they are moving in April, and I am sad about leaving that house behind.

48. I love history and old contraptions that were used before we had electrical gadgets to do the same tasks. Like my juicer.

49. I would enjoy working in a museum.

50. I lost my virginity at approximately 16, and the guy never talked to me after that day. That only bothered me for a little while, though. He was pretty much an asshole. Wish I'd figured that out beforehand.

51. Halfway there...

52. I ate a lot of vegetables as a child. I got a rash once from eating too many oranges, and turned yellowish from eating too many carrots. I don't really like candy, even now.

53. I am pretty much a morning person. I don't like waking up much later than 9:00, even on a weekend, and I like to get up and get a start to the tasks of the day so I can relax and have a good time in the evening. I've never been able to study much past 6 PM.

54. I have one class left to complete my degree in American Studies, with minors in History and Anthropology. I've put it off because of money. Soon, though. (These majors were only settled upon after gliding around in English, Art, Music, and Veterinary Medicine.)

55. I was raised Catholic, and went to the church my mother attended. My father is Methodist, but later in life I really liked his church better. (More young people and more friendly). I'm not religious though, and of course since high school I've been to church on Christmas only, if that. I suppose if I had kids I might think differently about that, but I feel my own personal inner spirituality, whatever that may be, is enough for me.

56. I have had many colorful friends, the most colorful being a couple who traveled around the country in a 1973 Winnebago Brave with their two dogs, and supported themselves by making and selling jewelry and reading tarot cards on street corners. Wow. (Not for me, though!)

57. Sometimes crying is enjoyable.

58. I am one of those girls who just gets along better with guys, for the most part. We girls who are like this only get along with girls who are the same way.

59. I enjoy Astrology, and though I'm a Sagittarius and therefore want concise, specific, detailed descriptions and answers based on fact, I also like the big picture and enjoy delving into the possibility of something more spiritual at work in my life. I believe in fate.

60. Polar opposites are problematic.

61. My father is a retired history professor. I guess that's where I got my interest, though I wouldn't have believed that if you'd told me it 15 years ago. History?? Eew.

62. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 1: My mother is a retired legal secretary, which is where I get my ability for novice legalese. I once wrote a sublet agreement for an apartment I got rid of, and when the subletters didn't pay, I took them to court w/ the help of my mother's boss and won easily due specifically to my document. The lawyer said he was impressed and so was the judge. :-)

63. When I was 16, I went with some people from our local Catholic high schools on a missionary trip to Nueva Rosita, Coahuila, Mexico. We lived with families and learned about their town, and helped them do some tasks at their local church/community center. The trip was from PA to TX by train, and then by bus to Nueva Rosita. I would put that at the top of the list as one of the best experiences of my life. I've really wanted to go back someday.

64. Trains are underrated.

65. I am always guilty of giving out good advice yet not being able to take it.

66. I am independent and enjoy being alone, yet crave attention and affection. I don't understand this need for both, but I don't question it.

67. I once had a rather mundane dream about being in my friend's yard and some of us trying to catch their dog who had escaped from the house and was running around the yard. Later that same week, I was standing in their yard when the exact same series of events occured, and I was able to predict, out loud to everyone, how exactly we would catch the dog and where exactly she would run. This has happened other times, but not with such clarity.

68. I do not like to live in a sheltered, normal, unexciting way. There are times for calm and times for upheaval. Without one, we wouldn't appreciate the other.

69. I can make a kickass omelet, and very good steak chili.

70. I have many plants, but I sometimes neglect them. Fresh cut flowers are easier, and I can never have enough. :-)

71. I am intrigued by tiny things, like insects. I used to lie on the grass as a child and watch one tiny little bug climb over individual blades of grass for an hour, sometimes watching it make its way across the yard. This does not apply to bees, however (except from a distance).

72. I am not kidding about the stunt driving thing. "Professional driver on a closed course" sounds like the best job description ever.

73. I do not enjoy it when people move away. I get quite sad or lonely, even if I wasn't particularly close to them. Much worse if I was.

74. I am, in general, a happy, idealistic person who is excited about life, patient, and can easily go with the flow on most tasks or ideas. I enjoy new things and get bored with people unless I am learning something from them or about them. If I am angry with you, that is rare and there is probably a very good reason (at least in my eyes). I cannot stand yelling and temper tantrums.

75. I enjoy having my freedom and am happy to give you yours.

76. I am always cold. I mean, like, needing a jacket cold.

77. At one point, I had my ears pierced 8 times, my nose and tongue once, and have given myself four tatoos with my best friend from high school, one while in the middle of said depression (see #24). Most of the piercings are gone but sometimes I miss them. :-)

78. I was on South Street in Philly when I got my nose pierced. It was 1994, and it was $72 to get it done with a hollow needle like you're supposed to, or $10 to get it done with a gun. Guess which one this broke college student chose? And the hole's still there. (I heal slowly.) :-)

79. I did two things consistently with my mother which I still enjoy with her today. One was going on Sunday drives. We knew every back road for miles. The other was watching weird TV. Our favorite shows were Star Trek: TNG, and DS9, Doctor Who, Northern Exposure, and Twin Peaks. The fact that my mother loved a David Lynch production still makes me giddy.

80. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 2: Despite rarely listening to any mainstream radio, if you turn it on and tune through the stations, I will probably know the words to at least 80% of the songs. Picking up lyrics is one of those random skills I seem to have been given.

81. I have very poor balance and get motion sickness very easily. But not when I'm driving. Consequently, I will always make you give me the keys.

82. I have no problem with working hard and putting in a lot of hours to succeed at something, but my free time is very important to me. If a day doesn't consist of an hour or two to do something to unwind, I can get irritable, and I'll make sure that TOMORROW I'll make time for something fun.

83. I don't do stereotypes. Please don't apply them to me.

84. I experience all my emotions in a very physical way. If I am even the least bit touched or saddened by something, I will cry just a little. If I am happy, or angry, or feeling love, it always manifests itself in tears, or goosebumps, or shivers, or some sort of physical occurance, either positive or negative. I suppose this is normal, but I am constantly astounded at this part of human physiology. In my own interpretation, I feel that it's all connected in some way to our sexual nature as human beings, and that our connections to things through our emotions are just different raw elements of our sexuality that are externalized in a variety of physically perceptible ways.

85. If you've never had a "Chocolate Cake" shot, you are really missing out on a great trick to play on your tastebuds.

86. Comes-in-handy Skill Number 3: I am very good at monotonous tasks. Need something collated? Putting together wedding invitations? Assembly line food? No problem.

87. I was a girl scout until about 5th grade. I don't think I really liked it all that much. (I think I would have liked boy scouts; they went camping. I probably would have liked the boys better, also).

88. I grew up with one brother who is only about 1 1/2 yrs. younger. All our neighbors were also boys. Explains a lot.

89. When I was 18, I got bacterial meningitis and was in the hospital for two weeks over Christmas. I was delerious for much of it, had two spinal taps and was supposedly actually very close to not making it. I tried to get out of the moving car while my parents took me to the hospital. They said they were surprised when I came out of it with my brain and vision intact.

90. I am very glad I've continued this blog and this list, and I'm trying not to edit it too much although I feel I could reveal even more if I put more time into it.

92. I feel I have made friends here and I am very happy about that.

93. I find writing about my thoughts and feelings much easier than talking about them. Sometimes I don't always find the right words when I'm speaking them, but if I have time to write it down, it's much more accurate.

94. If I ever own a home, the only requirements are a huge kitchen and dining area, an acre of land (no mule), a few large trees, and huge windows for natural light.

95. I hope you've made it this far. I put some good thought in to this, and a lot of time. It causes some anxiety to do something like this!

96. Some people go in and out of periods of depression in their life. I like to think that I have more control over my emotions. I am not interested in wasting weeks of my life dwelling on negative things, and I am not interested in going through life doing things that make me unhappy. Perhaps that is selfish in some ways, but you'll have trouble convincing me that it's wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone with the choices I make for my own life, but I don't want to hurt myself, either. Delicate balance, my dear, delicate balance.

(96a. Be aware that only now, having reread this post, did I realize that I have used that phrase THREE TIMES in the course of writing this blog, and that those are two seperate links to those two other occasions. This was an unintentional theme.)

97. I occasionally meet people that make me very uncomfortable. I give these feelings full credit because I usually find out they are correct.

98. I had my first cigarette at sixteen and quit at 25. This list makes me want another one, though.

99. I am going home this week and pulling out all of my old journals. I am rereading them slowly, and might even post some of the things I find here. I'm a little overwhelmed about doing this, I just came up with the idea this very minute, and I'm sure I'll be a little surprised with some of the things I find.

100. The End. In some ways, I could probably write 100 more.