The Secret Garden

Just the facts, to do with what you will. It's the therapy of truth; the exposition will come later, when time gives the perspective that living it cannot. Pick your life event: divorce, the need to move, and discontent at work, plus a few other lesser goods and evils thrown in for fun. I'm just happy to have a lot of good people around me. They are my love and my rock. Needless to say I've written a lot over the past few weeks, and have not posted a thing. No Reader's Digest Condensed Version for you kids...it's nearly everything, as chronological as I could make it. Have fun catching up...I have.


**********
the lesser of two evils

crowded bar, no surprise that you’re not here
i’m surrounded by the sight of people making eyes
and as i wander to the counter, one more for this song
it’s no wonder these two worlds don’t make sense

measuring progress in words and forgetting
i wonder what the world will come to when i don’t have you
i’m weaker than i seem, but stronger still
now that the lies i lived for you have come undone

this is where the doubt creeps in, the times that we’ve been warm
why dragging on for months seems less to ask,
i’m sure i loved you, know i’ve felt you, want the hurt to run
i’ve come too far and now it’s mine to lose

alone here now, contentment comes
from choice to sleep at 8 pm, when yesterday was sunrise
much stronger in my own defense,
i’m still too weak to throw the gavel down

trying to make you understand the passion
coming from the eyes of a hundred souls
acquaintances, friends, strangers, lovers, crowds
how is it you can sit and fear such life

i’m a day from moving on from you
but fear of all i’m longing for, and doubt
keep me wrapped so tightly, i lose my mind
like the doubt i felt when i promised you i’d stay

this is where the doubt creeps in, the times that we’ve been warm
why dragging on for months seems less to ask,
i’m sure i loved you, know i’ve felt you, want the hurt to run
i’ve come too far and now it’s mine to lose

i’m so tired, and the eyes keep making tears
and the heart keeps beating faster,
and my mind knows there’ll be years of this
if i can’t lay the pain upon you, my soft mercy

this is where the doubt creeps in, the times that we’ve been warm
why dragging on for months seems less to ask,
i’m sure i loved you, know i’ve felt you, want the hurt to run
i’ve come too far and now it’s mine to lose

********************
(untitled)

i’d be moving on tomorrow,
if i’d just let up this waiting
it’s so easy to slip back into this scene
circumstance now, no excuses,
i can’t hurry, it’s so fragile
just as long as you know,
there’s no fucking game
christ, i’m angry; god, i’m bitter;
lord, resentment burns a hole,
i wish truth was never-ending
and believed
friend, i’m sad now; self-inflicted
marks would never be so clear
as the marks behind my eyes
you’ll see revealed
self-assurance, all i need
for one step closer, i am wishing
to be flying higher than i’ve done before
i move slowly, not forever,
yet i make the world keep waiting
i can only promise, there’s an end in store.

***************
(untitled)

There is a cold sky here today,
A barren field, rocks and winter’s gray.
I have a full heart,
And all doubt survives.
Your sweetness, hope and sorrow,
My confidant in patient trials
I want your arms around me
Hold, for an hour, this loneliness at bay.
You are fighting, I am fighting
Wounds not healed by empathy,
But soothed, and we might leave it there.
For now, I tell you every truth
That I am here to kiss your face,
And know we both deserve much more.

********************
(untitled)

It’s a warm day in January
Months till the summer comes
But somehow the springtime
Seems not far away
I’ve been writing too fiercely
Like the words that will lift me
Are just within reach now
And coming on strong

Icicles dripping,
The water flows softly now
Slow like a river
Warmed low with the sun
Maybe you’re winter now
Wait till the summer’s here
I’ve got the mind
To let this free horse run

Smoking this cigarette
Chills and the moonlight
Talking too quickly
To think that I’m sane
Quiet home, candles lit
Windows high, here I sit
Full of the fear of
Reviving the game

Late at night, windy howls
I feel that sadness
Brush sweet ‘cross my face
Wrap her arms like a child
Yet, somehow, not alone
I think I’m given
This chance to make right the days
And make it towards home.

Icicles dripping,
The water flows softly now
Slow like a river
Warmed low with the sun
Maybe you’re winter now
Wait till the summer’s here
I’ve got the mind
To let this free horse run

******************
speechless

i can’t get rid of the high of you
(you know this fucking high can’t last)
sweet days like there was nothing else in this world
(i’ll wake tomorrow, noticing the continent)
it’s the need we fill, nothing for granted
(i’m barely through my door, enjoying loneliness)
you have the most amazing…everything…
(why must there be more to life than ecstasy?)

***************

recollect

beginning, where do i find you?
amongst something new,
sitting in karma’s shadow.
a reconvening of the players,
past and now,
and the bigger picture clears
as spring creeps in
under cover of night.

***************

...and suddenly the weakness in my words makes me angry...that's they funny thing about digging up the past. you have a way of holding your own ego in contempt.