Dirty Laundry

Amen to Leslie.

Before anyone goes shrugging off the idea of being a “modern housewife”, let’s take some time to define exactly what this job entails.

And, more importantly, why I could totally be one.

There isn’t a shred of doubt in my mind that women should absolutely, positively be able to pursue any career they damn well please. If you and your husband will both go through life with full-time jobs in fabulous careers that you at least somewhat enjoy, wonderful. If I find a field and employment that suits me, (read: if I can nail down one of the 150,000 things I’m interested in and find a job that gives me happiness), then I will be pleasantly surprised and firmly committed to defending my right to pursue that career. Hell, even if I’m a lowly secretary dragging my fingers across keyboards for the rest of my life, fine. At least I have the freedom to do so.

But let’s take a moment and consider the luxuries of being a housewife.

First, some theories:

I believe that one of the reasons so many of us are under such stress is our poor time management. More specifically, we don’t accurately estimate the amount of time it really takes to do things. In addition, we don’t give ourselves enough time between finishing one task and starting another. We cram it all into the least amount of time possible, just so we can fill up the time we save with…more stuff to do. We need to relax more than we allow ourselves to.

Now, let’s relate that to the typical tasks of a housewife, IN A HOUSEHOLD THAT LACKS ONE.

Do the dishes. I don’t mean just rinse them and put them in the sink. I mean take them off the table, rinse them, put them in the dishwasher, start the cycle, wait for it to finish, take them out, and put them away. Takes a lot longer than you think it does. Estimates? Well, considering I don’t own a dishwasher, so mine take longer, I’m going to have to say…at least an hour and a half, including drying time? Please correct me if I’m wrong. So if that’s all the dishes for one day’s eating, then it’s 10.5 hours a week.

Dinner. I mean real cooking, too…healthy, homemade, good food. Frozen Stouffer’s Lasagna doesn’t count. Although even that takes time. But cook…get out the ingredients, get out the pans, cut the vegetables, brown the meat, throw in the seasonings, (oh, wait! You forgot something? Run to the store…), wait for the right moment to put it all together, let it cook for an hour…you can’t possibly do all this between the time you get home from work and the time everyone’s ready to eat. That's probably the reason why we’re all so fat. Now, you could do it like my mom and prepare casseroles on the weekend, freeze them, and have them ready to pop in the oven during the week. But that’s if your weekend isn’t already taken up by everything else. One home cooked meal, from first chop to plate on the table: 1 ½ hours per day. That’s another 10.5 hours a week.

Laundry. Let’s take a family of three, including one child. That’s a hell of a lot of freaking clothes in seven days. I know we fill up the hamper in about 5, and there’s only 2 of us. Ok, it’s like 20% socks, but still. You’ve got the sheets for two beds, dish towels, table cloths, bath towels, hand towels, and god knows what else. An average load, from the time you drop it in the wash to the time you PUT IT ALL AWAY WHERE IT’S SUPPOSED TO GO, PIECE BY PIECE, could take two hours. That’s one load. It’s pretty much a daylong event if you don’t get any done during the week. Three people, let’s say four or five loads a week, how’s 10 hours?

I’m not even going to stretch this out to include vacuuming (1), dusting (do people still dust?) (1), bathing the children (3.5), bathing yourself (if there’s time) (3), scrubbing the bathroom (1), putting together breakfast and lunch (4), shopping (driving, shopping, driving, putting everything AWAY) (3), and running errands throughout the week (2). Let’s just put them all at a whopping 18.5 hours a week.

One week = 168 hours with which to have your way.

Normal job = 40 hours/wk
Getting to and from job = 5 hours/wk (that’s a half hour each way, each day)
Sleeping every night = 56
One weekend day taken up by a scheduled event = 11 hours/ wk.

112 hours, so far.

Now add:
Laundry = 10
Cooking = 10.5
Dishes = 10.5
Miscellaneous other cleaning tasks = 18.5

That’s 161.5 hours. You have 6.5 hours per week left for you. You also might want to go to meetings, work out, spend quality time playing with your children, have sex, or join your friends for a rousing bowling match. Your boss might make you work late. You might commute long distances. You might have to drop your child off at school. Or pick him up when he’s sick.

Now I understand that today’s working woman exists not only out of a desire for independence and accomplishment, but also financial necessity. Which is why I referred to the “luxuries” of being a housewife. OR househusband. It is a luxury in our economy to be able to stay home and run the home. It is also a full time job. It is damn near impossible for one person to complete all of these tasks in addition to working. Yes, I know the husband is helping. But he’s just as tired as the wife when coming home from a full day’s work. There are many working women who still feel the need to be the homemaker, the caretaker, the one who keeps these sorts of things in order. It’s not old fashioned, it’s just an instinct. But having a desire for that sort of order, and having the ability to achieve it are two totally different ballgames. In reality, having the freedom to PACE OUT these tasks and “bebop around town”, accomplishing the business of running a house while letting in a little variety to each day is very, very attractive to some of us. That’s the difference between seeing housewifing as a full-time job, or just squeezing in the tasks as “necessary evils” that take up too much time in an already busy week.

Now as Leslie also pointed out...and believe me, this is probably the key reason why I would totally be able to do this...she HATES working. And so do I. There are so many things that I could do with my day that would leave me with a feeling of personal fulfillment and accomplishment, and none of them involve sitting at a desk typing someone else’s memos. At least, not for this many hours in the week. If I could sit down for dinner at the end of an afternoon, and look around at my (currently messy) house and see clean clothes, clean dishes, clean floors, clean bathrooms, good food…if I could look back on my day and feel well rested, well exercised, well-endowed...(can’t a girl wish?)...and a sense of well-being from knowing that things are in order, that would make me happy. But in this day and age, you really have to pick one or the other. Or afford a maid.

So, what do I do without that luxury? I come home from work tired (yes, sitting at a desk and staring at a computer can make you tired); I do some, but not all, of the dishes; I do all of the laundry on Sunday – and nothing else; I pick part of the bathroom to clean because I don’t have time for the whole thing; I haven’t mopped the floors in weeks; I forgo some tasks to do fun things on the weekend because I certainly don’t have time to relax during the week; and if it weren’t for the fact that my husband is practically a gourmet chef and likes to do a lot of crazy cooking, we would probably eat a lot of pasta.

So, in conclusion, I would like to apologize for the dirty dishes in our kitchen, the dog hair in the corner of the living room, and the fact that I use the washing machine that is for all six tenants for an entire day of the weekend. I’m not really frustrated by these things, since I have gotten used to their inevitability. But, I also highly value my free time, and am a firm believer in all of us having more of it. If I did, perhaps I’d have that gym membership and those guitar lessons I keep talking about. AND I’d have clean clothes to wear to both.

And Leslie, I’m convinced I’m probably the last person on earth you would ever expect to hear this from, but if Mr. Husband-cook would like to find a job that will support us both and allow me the luxury of being a modern housewife, I’ll move pretty much anywhere.

The Frilly Apron Revolution will not be televised...we’ll be having too much fun for TV.